Ritual Confessions

February 11, 2008

Six weeks in

Filed under: Uncategorized — elissakaren @ 7:31 am

It’s about six weeks since I resolved to blog here every day, and for me the results have been nothing short of a miracle. Because, in the single most important way, this endeavor is working. I’m writing. I’m writing every single day. Regardless of whether I feel like it or not. Regardless of whether I have anything to say or not. There is really no way to express what this means to me. The analogy that comes to mind is that it’s like a nightly tryst with a lover from the very distant past.

I say the distant past because writing in this way is really nothing like the writing I’ve done during my professional writing life. It’s more like the writing I did in college, when writing was nothing but a pleasure and an escape: the repository of my secrets and my petty grievances and my fantasies, no perfectionism inhibiting me, no name to make or reinforce… just anonymity and dreamy, cozy sessions with tea and the notebook. The work I did for my other classes was an effort; writing never felt like work at all. I don’t know when it started to feel like very hard work… when it became something I was happy to have done, rather than something I was happy to do.

Once in a while, I wonder what’s next. So far, the answer that comes to me is: nothing yet. I do believe that “yet” is the operative word; it’s not as if I consider this an end in itself for the long haul. But six weeks isn’t a vast amount of time, and I don’t sense that I’ve exhausted this phase of the recovery program I seem to be making up as I go along. The experience has been so good so far, and just reinforcing the dailiness and the happiness of it feels like the right thing for now. 

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2 Comments »

  1. I’m glad. 🙂

    Comment by davidrochester — February 11, 2008 @ 4:56 pm

  2. ((Elissa))

    Comment by Shawn W — February 12, 2008 @ 5:05 am


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