Ritual Confessions

February 4, 2008

Mea Culpa

Filed under: Uncategorized — elissakaren @ 5:53 am

1. It wasn’t nice, but it sure felt fine… my good friend Jen is from Boston, and for many years she has rubbed my face in victory after victory by her precious Pats — usually after they’ve stomped all over my beloved Steelers (I lived in Pittsburgh from fourth grade through high school). This evening, I fired off a most obnoxious, gloating e-mail to her after NEW YORK KICKED THEIR ASSES!!!

2. Driving down to Lake Oswego this afternoon, there was a stretch where traffic was backed up for about a mile and a half. An electronic sign suspended from one of the bridges overhead read: “Accident on I-5; left lane closed.” And indeed, the left lane had been vacated for as far down the road as I could see. But there was also nothing wrong with the left lane as far down the road as I could see. There’s no accident on this stretch of it, I thought. Why not drive on it for as long as I can?

One thing I cherish about this town is that none of the other drivers honk at you no matter what you do. This has been helpful, since after living in New York City for my entire adult life, I barely knew how to drive when I arrived here.

At any rate, this afternoon, I pulled into the left lane and began passing car after car after car. I figured when I reached the vicinity of the accident, I could always force my way back into the right lane. Whenever I do something like this, the other cars always allow it without so much as a touched horn. Go ahead, goes their silent reproach. If that’s the kind of person you want to be.

It’s not the kind of person I want to be, I try to tell them by way of telepathy. But it’s the kind of person I am.

3. In Charlotte’s cubby at Montessori are a crib sheet and blanket for nap time. Every two weeks, they are placed in her little canvas tote bag for me to take home and wash. Given the fact that this past Monday was a snow day, and the one before was MLK Day, I figure they’ve had — tops — eight hours of use. Kind of like one night on a regular bed. And we don’t wash our sheets and blankets every morning, do we? There wasn’t a stain on them, nor any offensive odors to suggest she might have spit up on them or anything like that. There also wasn’t enough other light-colored laundry to justify a wash. I tossed them into the dryer, along with a scented anti-static-cling sheet, for five minutes. They came out as fresh and sweetly scented as if they’d been legitimately laundered. Then I folded them up and replaced them in her bag.



  1. 1) Was there a game of some kind yesterday?

    2) I have to say, if you ever do that when I’m one of the drivers in the other lane, I won’t let you in. I’ll give you such a look that you’ll have to take your car into a body shop to have the paint touched up. 🙂

    3) But I approve of this clever shortcut.

    Comment by David Rochester — February 4, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

  2. 1) Sounds like your friend has reaped what was sown. 😉

    2) Don’t try that here. You’ll sit in that lane till some old lady takes pity on you.

    3) Since that was all they needed…

    Comment by Shawn W — February 5, 2008 @ 3:59 am

  3. 2) No ma’am, I wouldn’t mess with Texas.

    Comment by elissakaren — February 5, 2008 @ 7:13 am

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