Ritual Confessions

January 18, 2008

Out of the ash

Filed under: Uncategorized — elissakaren @ 7:16 am

My cell phone rang this afternoon, and the caller ID panel read “restricted”. I picked it up.


“Yes, hello,” answered a nasal male voice. “I heard that you work for a dating agency and I was hoping you could help me with my love life.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t work there anymore.”

“That’s too bad,” the man said. “I was hoping to sign up for a platinum membership.”

And even though it sounded nothing like him, I suddenly knew. “George,” I laughed. “Is that you?”

A beat. Then: “Yes,” he admitted in his regular voice, sounding a little disappointed I hadn’t gone for it longer.

“George, what’s going on?” He’d been MIA for nearly a year.

George was my boss at the start-up company I’ve mentioned before. He’s a genius of a salesman, a dazzling comedian, an incredibly generous spender, a pathological liar and a true sociopath. If I live to be a hundred, my feelings for him will never coalesce into anything unequivocal or final. He’s someone else I believe is responsible for my marriage and child; he hired Nick and me within a few weeks of each other.

Because I’m bone tired tonight, I will provide only the briefest sketch of what’s transpired this past year; it’s enough to provide a fair idea of who this man is. George convinced a group of venture capitalists to invest three million dollars in his company. Shortly thereafter, they deposed him. He was fired, an interim CEO was put into place, and there was talk of a lawsuit to be filed against him. His wife, a beautiful woman who has tolerated everything under the sun from him and who’s (literally) been driven more than half mad by him, finally found it in her to leave him, for good this time.

From our phone conversation this afternoon, and from the e-mails he sent afterward, the following picture emerged: George is CEO of a new company, and he has a new live-in girlfriend. She is twenty-eight and as beautiful as his wife, only about fifteen years younger.  She is already four months pregnant, due in June.

Looking at her picture, I thought: this poor girl. She has absolutely no idea what kind of trouble she’s in. 



  1. The man sounds like a novel waiting to happen!

    Comment by thelittlefluffycat — January 18, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

  2. Moral of the story: In order to find a beautiful, generous, patient and kind woman, you must become a sociopath.

    Comment by davidrochester — January 18, 2008 @ 8:27 pm

  3. *flicks the back of David’s head* You realize you’ve just called mine and Elissa’s husbands sociopaths, don’t you? or else you haven’t?

    Comment by thelittlefluffycat — January 18, 2008 @ 11:51 pm

  4. Oh, are you both patient? I hadn’t realized that. *ahem*

    Elissa, on a totally unrelated note — you can download the Saburo’s menu as a pdf from their website. That’s how those sneaky people got it filled out before they arrived.

    Comment by davidrochester — January 19, 2008 @ 12:41 am

  5. *nips David’s ankle, ponders, nips it again, this time on Elissa’s behalf* *smiles sweetly* You’re right of course, David, obviously we’re not both patient.

    Comment by thelittlefluffycat — January 19, 2008 @ 4:21 pm

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